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relativity

relativity


Nothing lasts forever!

"I want it now
Not the promises of what tomorrow brings
I need to live in dreams today"
-
-Echo and The Bunnymen


I called it "everlasting friendship". That's how I viewed the relationship I shared with my best ever friend and that's how I always wanted it to be! - but what I didn't realise was ,"everlasting" is not just one qualifier, its about a giant effort that makes it so.

Now you might ask what's there in a relationship that needs "effort"? Isn't it supposed to be spontaneous? An effort always translates into reponsibility which in turn translates into burden! That's the exact notion I always had; so, when my best friend wanted to take a break from studying for his exams and asked me out for dinner, I said I was too preoccupied with "my" studies and promptly postponed the plans to "after the exams"! But then, "I" needed my break too and ended up dining with my boyfriend instead!

It has mostly been so throughout the 10 years since I have christened him my "best friend"! An urgent need to sleep, an excruciating headache, an unputdownable novel, a demanding study schedule or probably an important project at office had assumed "top priority" and came between us. And subconsciously, it has always been, "why do i need to spend time with my "best friend"?" He is just supposed to stay...forever! I always expected him to understand that he had too permanent and irreplaceable a place in my life to need confirmation by spending time together.

Probably, the most concise phrase to describe my attitude towards our relationship is "taking him for granted". When he and I came down to this new city on our respective jobs, I would rather put in more effort into striking a rapport with my new found hostel mates or would find it more interesting to hit it out with my new colleagues. I definitely spared time to listen to him and comfort him when he felt homesick or down but that was far less than what I could (should?).

I rememeber the day when I had to skip dinner for an exacting office schedule and upon complaining about my grumbling stomach, my friend got dinner parcelled and delivered to my hostel at midnight! The act was simply reciprocated with a "thank you" and was never spared a thought later. It was just a gesture that befitted his place in my life, the way people seldom thank their parents.But the same me was all praise for a new acquaintance who got me medicines when I suffered a headache some months later. That was considered a "loving" and caring" gesture never to be forgotten!

Was it the complacence of the many years already behind our friendship that made me assume that it could endure such grave indifference towards it?

A relationship like this one is like a cushion to fall back upon. But then,relationships are not cultivated to give them a purpose. It's existence cannot depend on its need; rather it is it's existence that is needed. A paucity of effort towards strengthening it would indubitably cause a waning of its strength to support you. The cushion needs care too.

Yesterday night my best friend called me up to say that his job demanded a transfer and that he needed to leave today morning! He had "rightly" assumed that I would be busy enough and not intending to disrupt my schedule had only broken the news when it couldn't be delayed further. Suddenly it dawned upon me that it has been more than a year we have been staying in the very same city and have not met...and that my so called "everlasting friendship" thrived on those few phone calls that I made when I badly needed to talk to someone who would understand me the most!

At that moment, I wanted to give him all of my time and more. But I just had time enough to bid goodbye! Henceforth our relationship would probably thrive on mere phone calls, which now seem so inadequate. I didnt help it when I could and now when I can't, I just can't help but repent. For me it had always been,"I'll find out time when I really want to", but then sometimes you just need to want!

Now I know...The most obvious and the most cherished relationships need the most effort!

3 Comments:

At 10:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

not that i disagree completely but i think any conscious effort is fake.and fake relationships cannot last for long.in fact if your carelessness with a relation is your natural self then trust me that relationship has a greater chance of being a success. what do my fellow bloggers think?

 
At 11:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

To put it flat the article was an eye-opener for me.
I have read all of ur articles ,but some how i feel this was the best.It reminds me as to how effortlessly iam taking all my best pals for granted(like most of em) ....reasons are almost all the same as elucidated by the author...a girl a job .......It made me to stand up and look around as to whome am i racing 4 in my life and what am i gaining from it.I say Miss Banerjee "hats off" to u.

 
At 11:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"relationships are not cultivated to give them a purpose. It's existence cannot depend on its need; rather it is it's existence that is needed. A paucity of effort towards strengthening it would indubitably cause a waning of its strength to support you. The cushion needs care too."

some great stuff there.... have been a regular reader of ur column... like them a lot... keep up the good work...

and ya ur food review turned out to be realy useful...

 

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