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Love - On the rebound

It had hardly been a month since my friend broke off with her love of 3 years when I was introduced to this new guy in her life and to whom she promptly tied the knot in another month's time. While I was left wondering over the precipitousness of the series of events, she was happily enjoying marital bliss.

A rebound relationship is so common a phenomenon that the one into it hardly realises its significance or attaches any importance to this categorization. But then, "you are what someone else wasn't" cant always ensure a successful relationship. It would rather be "you are what i would want my guy/gal to be"!

There is a thin line of demarcation between these two points of view. In the first case, the very basis of the relationship is the inadequacy of another person or the grudges nurtured against him and more the result of a comparative analysis where the word "better" becomes the deciding factor. In the second case, its just a relationship in the absolute where the catchphrase is "the best one for me"!

Let us not assume that rebound relationships occur only when one relationship goes sour. There could be a perfect relationship where you are very much in love with the other person. But then there is no dearth of factors that could act as hindrances- family opposition or your own inability to take that serious "marriage" decision to name a few. In that case, when the relationship comes to an end or is forcibly brought to an end, you have no one but yourself to blame. When you lose that special someone you realise what paucity of courage and strength or inability to set your priorities right and taking the right decision at an apt time could do to your life.

You either need moral support and the one who provides you so(definitely of the opposite sex!) assumes infinite importance and soon becomes indispensable, or, you go all out and start off with another relationship which is more a subconscious effort to erase that earlier unplesant episode. In either case, you would not want to exhibit the same weakness that had made you suffer once. Its more of proving things to yourself than wanting to build a strong relationship. Its more of trying to get rid of that guilt by creating a similar situation and taking control of that situation this time.

But then, is it all that shallow?

For years distinction has been made between rebound relationships and true love. But I believe that the two are not mutually exclusive. The fact that a relationship is fuelled by the failure of another doesnt make it a fake one. Such relationships are termed as potentially dangerous or probable failures because of the scepticism that the attitude "better" wouldnt be replaced with the "best" in due time.

But in many cases,the "fuel" just stays so and nothing more-a catalyst to put in more effort(just like in the case when your best friend is trying to woo the girl you have fallen for!). The new found relationship is just like any other and evolves far from the shadows of the past failed one. You find a soulmate and the fact that you find him just a trifle late isn't reason enough to believe that this ain't "true".

In all, its not about being particularly cautious about a rebound relationship. Its about realising that as long as the presence of someone remains synomymous to the absence of another,a relationship is bound to fail. It should be more of coveting that presence than trying to fill a void or trying to prove a point.

4 Comments:

At 11:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"as long as the presence of someone remains synomymous to the absence of another,a relationship is bound to fail"-nice stuff there.

 
At 2:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As long as you are writing out of experience.. but try talking to someone who was in love and lost it and now living that life "of arranged marrige blizz" ..
dont u think we are falling back, looking at stuff to comfort us, cusion us from that impact and in that we are failing miserably .

 
At 5:52 AM, Blogger Suraj Kamath said...

Surprisingly, to get that sure shot, absolutely pure relationship, you need to be that pure a person too. Its not easy to get to that stage. Its a pardox. to be completely happy with someone else, you must be completely secure within yourself. And if you are then why whould you want a relationship? :)

 
At 5:52 AM, Blogger Suraj Kamath said...

Surprisingly, to get that sure shot, absolutely pure relationship, you need to be that pure a person too. Its not easy to get to that stage. Its a pardox. to be completely happy with someone else, you must be completely secure within yourself. And if you are then why whould you want a relationship? :)

 

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