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relativity

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Bye Bye buddy!

Shree and I were inseparable since our college days. So much so, that her boyfriend had once asked to choose between him and her best friend (me)! However we always believed that her answer was too petty to do any damage to our bonding.

Last year she tied the knot and since then we have been fighting to keep the "buddy status" alive. Friendship can now be measured in terms of those couple of phone calls per month. Gone are the days when she would coax me for a cup of coffee in the midst of a hectic day, complain about her badgering boss or crib about the messy "khichdi" she cooked. It had all boiled down to the "hi! what's up?" stuff - the kind that the worst form of acquaintances share.

I am sure there would be more gals and guys alike who have sacrificed their "ties of friendship" to the "vows of marriage". And who still reminisce those halcyon days till a stranger pulled them apart.

Why indeed is it so difficult to do justice to your old friends once you enter the domains of marriage? Sometimes I like to think of marriage as a demanding enough relationship that can't bear even an iota of digression of attention. Sometimes I even think to the extent of the hubby's pride receiving a big blow if wife darling shares her secrets with her buddy instead. But that definitely is being protective towards my friend in trying to justify her actions and preventing myself from going into fits of fury at her throwing away a friendship cultivated with care over long years.

Now, lets not delve deeper into my personal plight but try to reason out the general cause of such a common enough negligence. I think that we have a tendency to consider marriage ( or a commitment ) as the wholesome relationship that would make up for all the others that preceded it. It is almost like you have been yearning for this commitment all life long and all the others you have made along the way are declared null and void ( not in words, but in action! ) the moment your search is over.

The wife would rather sit with her hubby, staring at the idiot box than plan a weekend brunch to catch up with her long time friends. She would rather exhibit her plastic smile at the dinner party hosted by her husband for his colleagues than conceive an hour long tete-a-tete with a pal from the past. I fail to understand if that is a sheer lack of interest or the ramifications of laziness!

Another queer fact as endorsed by most of those TV family dramas or real life scenarios is that, the buddy most definitely becomes the fall-back option and an indispensable regular contact when wife dearie is suffering marital blues. But then again, it is "bye bye buddy" once the hiatus is over. Why is it that a friend can't be a part of her good times as well - a companion to her shopping expedition or an audience to her elation at the wonderful client presentation she did!

With all the reasoning, logic , unanswered queries and human psychology in its place, I still can't help but miss that "untaintable, unbreakable bonding" we had christened so!

3 Comments:

At 11:40 PM, Blogger rohit said...

even i am sick of my one-time buddies having nothing more to say other than "wats up dude" and who seem to have forgotten everything but family. Now, the only attendants of our ritual Saturday night parties are the ones who still retain their bachelor status.Its so amazing that nurturing friendship becomes so difficult after marriage.

 
At 3:38 AM, Blogger sumandatta said...

its not just abt husbands. i used to know a girl and we were "best" of friends till her boyfriend clamped down on her and she decided to do away wid our relationship. i believe it's more of a "personal choice" rather than a generic spouse-phenomenon. If she chose to leave me it was because "our" friendship wasn't strong enough- tht's all; looking for and "finding" the perfect soulmate cannot justify breaking up old relations.

 
At 4:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

thanks for writing an article on this topic... helped me remember all my married friends with whom i had lost contact.. well i feel it was my fault too.. i should have atleast tried contacting them..

anyways ur article was good reading...keep writing..

 

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