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The "M" Phobia

It has been months now that you have been dating your dream gal. You are the happiest person on earth when she is close to you. Those simple "good morning darling" messages on your cell make your day. She is one person who understands you perfectly well. When you are down, a word or two with her lifts up your spirits. And whenever she talks to that handsome colleague of hers you are all green with envy. All in all, your life sans her is unimaginable. You would indeed give your life for her. Yet one day when it comes to officialising it all with a lifelong commitment called "marriage", you are ready to give it all up.

The dictionary calls it "gamophobia" which is a persistent fear of being married, the severity varying from person to person. Sufferers of this phobia experience undue anxiety even though they may rationally realize that the married state itself poses no threat to them. They fear the challenge of living with another person and the responsibility of rearing a family.

But what exactly is this "fear of marriage" thing? When you enter the precincts of a not so very platonic relationship, and assuming that this one is categorically different from the all so many flings u have experienced, you would definitely want this relationship to endure. Consciously or subconsciously you know that endurance gets manifested in terms of marriage. But when this "M" word comes out explicitly in the open, you are confounded and find yourself in an inextricably knotty situation which inevitably leads to the rescindment of your commitment towards a "lifetime of togetherness". Those "sweet nothings" are labeled the peccadilloes of a starry-eyed, moony-eyed guy in love "not ready" for that huge responsibility called marriage!

"Not ready" is the apt way to sum it all up. It could be "not ready" to strike that fatal blow to the expectations of your family;that you have snatched away from them their right to choose for you could be really painful for them and you are "not ready" to cause them that pain. It could be "not ready" in terms of your career. You have to devote yourself religiously to your exacting work schedule and marriage would inevitably tie you down in terms of opportunities;you are really "not ready" to afford quality time for a family. It could even be your bank balance that is "not ready" to support a family, inspite of the fact that both of you might be working. Its actually the term "family" that gives you jitters. And then, the most honest of them all, you are just "not ready" to give up your freedom for always.

Freedom could mean something as grave as the freedom to choose a career path( what if your wife is pregnant and an onsite opportunity knocking at your door?) or could be something as trivial as the freedom to share a cup of coffee with that irresistible female who has an eye on you (what if this typical harmless instinct of yours is branded as"infidelity"?). You are scared of circumstances as these and many others and hence consider yourself incapable to handle them prudently...the ramifications being "marriage " being equated to "testing times that last a lifetime" and you try to shirk that off for as long as you can help.

It is this deep down inbuilt and innate psyche of "marriage spells loss of freedom" that leads to this "M" phobia. Psychologists explain this phobia as "the fear that if you get attached to someone for a lifetime , some unattached person , somewhere , will be having more fun than you."But for all the people in this "M" predicament who think that a married state would snatch from them the license to lead life "as you like it" , it's time to realise that for the "unattached person somewhere " the climax for the typical evening is watching the typical action movie on HBO while eating onion dip straight from the frying pan.


N.B: The "He" used throughout the article is more a result of the "flow of language" and not an insinuation that the "M" phobia pertains to "this" gender alone :-)


3 Comments:

At 1:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

a real good one! specially the bank balance...the 'M' for money factor is definitely related to the 'M' phobia...take it from a person who knows! :-)

 
At 9:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear ,
Really a great new theory has been cogently propounded in this article (the M theory).I just want to make a few observations ,
For a guy when he's earning ,he's 24 -28 its the only time in his life when he's truly free, doing anything he wants ,he's virtually free from the tabs of his mom n dad.(assuming the guy is unmarried).

Ofcourse as you have rightly commented no responsibility so its a freaky period where our clan can check out diverse avenues may be personal or professional.And a failure will be quite easy to cope with, cos its his own personal fairure with no strings attached
But after marriage its again a more responsible and defined existence .Where each and every deed is perceived under the lens of a "family man"
So even though the guy is loving caring ............
but he deserve his times too..........

 
At 10:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear ,
Really a great new theory has been cogently propounded in this article (the M theory).I just want to make a few observations ,
For a guy when he's earning ,he's 24 -28 its the only time in his life when he's truly free, doing anything he wants ,he's virtually free from the tabs of his mom n dad.(assuming the guy is unmarried)
Of course as u have said no responsibility so its a freaky period where our clan can check out diverse avenues may be personal or professional.And a failure will be quite easy to cope with, cos its his own personal fairure with no strings attached
But after marriage its again a more responsible and defined existence .Where each and every deed is perceived under the lens of a "family man"
So even though the guy is loving caring ............
but he deserve his times too..........

 

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